A LITTLE MORE WOMEN’S SELF DEFENSE ADVICE

I have been speaking with a fellow blogger, KravLady, about this past December’s “But he seemed so nice” blog. She has some good questions and I love getting a women’s perspective on this stuff because ladies think of things that I don’t because I can’t relate to their situation. No guy can really relate so ladies, that dad, brother or significant other who teases you about being so cautious and tells you that you are paranoid…love them but ignore them! They would take a bullet for you but they are doing you no favors with that attitude. I have heard a quote in a few different places now that should give us men something to think about…”deep down men are afraid women will laugh at them. Deep down women are afraid men will kill them.”

In Krav we’re all about smacking someone who needs smacked (after we have looked to get away of course). KravLady’s question was when smacking isn’t justified yet, how do we handle a situation? For example, he is being nice but even after you have made it apparent that you don’t want him walking with you he still does. He isn’t being a threat but you feel uncomfortable. She even made the comment that she was maybe being too paranoid.

There is no such thing as being too paranoid. Look at my past blog on “listening to yourself” or even better read Malcolm Gladwell’s book BLINK. Our brains pick things up that we don’t realize. If we are feeling uncomfortable there is a reason. We don’t know why but there is a reason we are feeling that way. By the time we figure it out it may be too late so just listen! When an animal gets even a whiff of something out of place they run. An animal in nature never stands there thinking “I am just being paranoid”. Paranoid saves their lives!

Guys know that they make women feel uncomfortable. A decent guy will back off if they see a female is nervous about him. When we get on an elevator and there is a female already on we will go as far to the opposite side of the elevator as possible. When we approach a lady from behind on a sidewalk because we are walking faster we go as far to the opposite side of the sidewalk as we can. When a guy isn’t doing these things your brain tells you something isn’t right. Don’t think that you are being paranoid.

She talked about a guy who kept walking with her after she made it pretty apparent that she didn’t want him to. She didn’t want to appear rude (she even mentioned that she was raised to be polite) so she didn’t make a scene. Scum Bags are counting on you being polite and not wanting to make a scene. I told her to flat out say “I do not want you walking with me”. If he is a stranger and you appear rude, so what. He is a stranger and will have forgotten about you five minutes later. If he still doesn’t listen get loud and belligerent, tell him to get away from you. Is this rude? Maybe, but if you are right being rude is way better than being a victim.

A lot of Scum Bags are just trying you to see how they can control you. They are master manipulators and have perfected the art. If you are at a party and he asks if you want a drink and you say “no” and he hands you one anyway he could well be testing you. If you’re “no” didn’t really mean “no” and you take the drink you are what he is looking for. In the case where he keeps walking with you after you asked him not to he is showing himself, in my opinion. To ignore you or argue with you about it or to get angry shows that his intentions weren’t good. It’s time to get loud and belligerent and, if that doesn’t work, it’s time to run or go all Krav on the idiot! BE SAFE!

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5 Comments

  1. I think the point that Kravlady needs to understand is that if you tell a guy or woman to leave you alone and they don’t, that is a threat. It’s a silent, even covert one but a threat non the less. As Mark said, don’t worry about rudeness. You can politely ask them to leave but if they don’t then politeness goes out the window and you have to be firm.

  2. Hi Mark,

    thanks again for adressing this issue! I’m about half-way through Gavin de Becker’s book the ‘Gift of Fear’ and I can now relate to your point regarding listening to your intuition much better. As well as being firm (with words) in stating someone has to back off/or stop. Whether or not that might come across as rude. I’m totally on board with that (now)! Your quote about what men and women are afraid of deep down sounds actually quite accurate. Not sure about the male part, but I’m on some level always (and because of krav even MORE so) aware that men are bigger, stronger and more dangerous than I am. The quote just sounds so melo-dramatic when phrased like that. 😉

    However, I’m still sorta concerned about the way to handle a potential follow-up situation after you say “no”. As I see it there’s a few ways things could happen afterwards: 1) they back off, 2) they go crazy and attack, 3) they don’t back off and they don’t attack either but keep verbally harrassing you.

    In cases 1 and 2 the follow-up actions are pretty clear. You’re safe (1) or you counter/defend/(destroy) (2) However, in the 3rd possibility I still wouldn’t know what to do.

    It’s a situation in which you might feel really threatened, but it doesn’t seem like a kick to the groin would be justifiable self-defense yet as he hasn’t physically harmed/touched you in any way. Verbal aggression won’t work, but resorting to a physical pre-emptive strike might just instigate some serious anger on his part – AND I don’t want to be the one triggering the actual confrontation. He might be so hyped up that the kick won’t do much good, or he’ll see it coming – or he’ll counter it/whatever. And by then you’ll have caused yourself a whooooole lot of trouble that you definitely don’t want to have.

    As for running away pre-emptively, it seems like that would just be asking for trouble. There’s no options to properly scan and keep an eye on what the other person’s doing when your back is turned to them. Also, depending on the shoes you’re wearing and/or the bags you’re carrying, you won’t be able to outrun him at all. Furthermore, I guess I’ve heard so much predator/prey stories that I don’t want to put myself in that weaker position of openly displaying so much fear and being clear ‘prey’.

    Any thoughts on how to proceed in such a situation? I’m aware that there’s no easy clear-cut protocol in such situations, but I’d still like to hear your thoughts.

    @Ed, I get that! Thanks for stating it like that. But a verbal threat alone isn’t enough to instigate physical harm, is it?

    • Sorry it has taken me so long to reply. I have been in Israel with no internet, or at least none that I could understand!

      Ed is a police officer. He knows that what the courts might convict a man for isn’t the same for a woman. A guy cannot kick another guy just because he didn’t leave him alone when asked. A woman, as many state laws can attest, is allowed to do this very thing. He is threatening her by not listening to her demands to get away. She is justified in striking first. Now, i know situations differ but i would tell my wife or daughters if they feel threatened whatsoever to kick as hard in the groin (or take out a knee) as they can. Then they need to run. As good as they are they aren’t going to beat up a man. They should always be attacking TO ESCAPE. That is their goal whenever things are physical.
      Ask yourelf, “why is he not listening to me’. The only answer is that he wants to do you harm in my book. Run, if followed hit with all you have and then run again. Carry mace, a tazer or a weapon and know how to use it! I am glad I am not a woman but I am so thankful for input from you and others so that I can think about things that I otherwise wouldn’t. Take care!!

  3. […] recommend you read the rest of his post as I found it extremely […]

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