SUPER SECRET KRAV DEATH TECHNIQUES!!

Krav is simple to learn, easy to remember and effective. We have no super secret, devastating death touch techniques. Thanks to Hollywood this surprises people. We once had a guy walk out of one of our handgun seminars when we started off with punching and kicking. He said “this isn’t handgun takeaways.” I told him that I didn’t know what magic techniques he was expecting but we grab the handgun to get it off of us and beat the bad guy senseless…that’s what actually works. He was offended. There isn’t a handgun seminar that goes by that we don’t get asked “Won’t grabbing the gun get your hand burned or cut?” I always sigh and tell the person asking this “Yep, that could well happen, I suppose that you could lose a few fingers as well. We aren’t teaching magic…you have to grab the gun and get it off you. Is this a crappy answer to having a gun on you about to kill you? Yep…but you are in a crappy situation and this is the best crappy answer you have. The only good answer is not to be there to have a gun put on you.”

I recently had a guy ask me what my defense would be for a sucker punch. I told him “I would hope that I would see it at the last second so that I could tuck my chin and take the punch on my forehead instead of the soft part of my face.” He laughed and showed me his technique which was a side step to get into a horse stance to end up beside the punch where he put both forearms up to block the punch and then ends with an arm bar. I told him “Well, I don’t have superman speed or reflexes so in my human world I’m gonna be lucky to tuck my chin. We are talking about a sucker punch. It’ll hit me and knock me back a bit and then I’ll go forward and whip some ass.” Sigh… He then went on to show me his Samurai sword defense. He did some going in and ducking, then backing back out and doing a backbend, then…well I forget what else, it was long and complicated. This guy wasn’t an idiot per se, he was just taught that this stuff actually worked when common sense says it won’t. He asked me what we in Krav Maga would do against a Samurai sword. I told him that I would run as fast as I could. He then asked what would our defense be if we couldn’t run. I told him I would pick up something like a pipe or ball bat if I could find it. Of course, he then said “No, what is your unarmed defense?” I said that an unarmed defense against someone who knows how to wield that sword is non existent but I would have to go in deep, block the arm, grab hold of him and knee & headbutt. He was amazed that Krav didn’t even have a Samurai sword defense. Sigh…

There are arts out there who say that they do have secret killing techniques or pressure points that will knock anyone unconscious with just a touch. Look on the internet, there are super secret, never fail, fear no man techniques! I tell people to run from these!
I have compiled a few different conversations here but these things were actually said (yes, I love messing with these guys):
THEM: I am a student of XXXX, which is a rare art and way too dangerous to show the general public.
ME: Wow, really?
THEM: Yes, most of our techniques are designed to kill or cripple!
ME: Wow, why doesn’t the military use this system?
THEM: Well, it’s pretty rare. It would have to be main-stream for the military to use it.
ME: Say what? Why don’t one of you guys get into the UFC and make millions? You could do your pressure point touch anytime you clinch and knock the other dude out?
THEM: We’re not about money. It’s too dangerous, guys would get killed!
ME: Does your instructor teach for free? Do you not have a job? Imagine the time you could devote to your art if you had money and didn’t have to work! Well, anyhow, you couldn’t tone it down a bit to be a world champion and let people know that your art is the best in the world?
THEM: Well, It’s not for the general population, we like it being obscure. We only allow people in who follow the code and are humble?
ME: Did your teacher hear about how moral and humble you were and recruit you?
THEM: No, I read an ad and called in.
ME: So the only way to get into this art is to call in and hand over a check?
THEM: No, I did a short lesson with him to see if I qualified?
ME: So, has anyone who ever did this short qualifying lesson and wanted to join and had a check in hand ever been turned away?
THEM: I am sure there has…haven’t personally seen it.

….and so on and so on. Yes, I am a smart aleck! BE SAFE!

Advertisements

1 Comment

  1. Hey Mark,

    I look forward each week to read your weekly chat! It’s become a favorite Monday morning coffee and read ritual. Please keep em comming.

    Scott


Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s